funny dat me, Al an damo never talkd bowt dat nu years 3sum we ad 2 years bak after we dun it. closist we got woz last month wen we all talkin bowt xmas and nu yearz an wot we all gonna do an stuff – woz jus 3 of us an we got talkin bowt dat nite an how gud it woz gettin twattd in da caravan, but none of us sayin nowt bowt da fuckathon we ad innit!
got me finkin bowt it tho an wether Al an damo be up 4 little b4 xmas party like… uvva fing is – u remember dat yung lad i fukd a few months bak? 16 yr old wiv da huge nob? actully alex is 17 now an sorta lached on2 me – well cos he knos i alwayz got gear on me innit. n e wayz uvva fing u shud kno bowt da littal geeza is dat he alredy fuckin dirtier than i iz! lad can take n e fing up his sweet arse an da bigga da betta as he conserned!
so me plan is 2 get us all 2gevva an make stuff hapen. i kno alex up 4 stuff – jus gotta keep im sweet innit. get Al pissd enuff an he alwyz up 4 stuff 2. in fact he usual da 1 startin it! alwayz first 1 gettin iz dick owt n e wayz! damo can go eeva way, u gotta go careful wiv dis 1 – let im get 2 drunk an he goz qiet, not drunk enuff an he get grossd owt. its nowin wen u got im at rite time.
da lads cum round – i dun tell Al an damo dat alex is ther alredy – make im hide in me bedroom cos he gonna b a suprise! after a few cans we talkin an i bring it round 2 dat nite in da caravan an i sayin how awsum it woz – Al larfin an sayin i wud say dat coz i such a batty boy! tell im 2 fuck off! damo tho goz all quiet, like i woz sayin he mite, an i kno i betta change subject – dis is a ded end.
best fing is 2 get da talk back 2 birds an i askin lads wot baddist shag they had dis year like… Al is kinda hazey an i takin da piss sayin he aint had none! damo had a few shags off dis bird calld karen an he rekon she da best (probly only 1 if i knows damo cos he aint da best at pickin up birds, wich is like WTF? cos he fittist owta all us).
next fing i ask is, K wot bowt blow jobs then? damo say karen agen (so lame!) an Al say imself innit! lol! str8 up, turns owt he wernt shittin us – geeza can suck imself off! gotta save dat 1 for laters!
cors lads ask me same question. finkin back ova fucks i ad l8tly an all em woz wiv uvva lads! so not gonna tell em dat, so make up sum birds name – big mistake cos then they askin all bowt it, sayin they dunno her an hu is she? i tell em we only did it 1 time an she woz sum bird bak in summer we met on da beech – we went off an did it were no one wotchin. dun rekon they buyin it.
then they ask if dat woz best blow job an all? nows me chance i figure an i tell em no, it werent, been gettin me dick suckd elswere innit. cors ther eyz poppin an they wanna kno all bowt it. i tellin em i been gettin BJs 4 sortin dis person owt an they r in me flat rite now! both lads look eech uvva like, ‘wot da fuk doin on?’
’shut up’ sayin Al ‘u aint got sum1 eer’. ‘yeh, i have,’ i tellin im, ‘theyr in me room rite now, on da bed.’
‘fuck off!’ – Al aint bleevin it. ’serious, i’m tellin ya, sum1 in ther,’ i tell im bak.
‘is it ur imaginery bird?’ Al is cussin. ‘is she calld figment?’ wich i thinkin iz sorta funny 4 Al wen i got it.
‘no, its ur cristmas present’ i say 2 im. ‘finkin i shud share it round.’
‘wot, u got us a cock sucka!’ sayin Al, all larfin like.
‘no, more like a cock suckin machine!’ i jokin bak.
‘well, get her owt here then an she can suck dis!’ Al sayin as he spreddin iz legs open an pointin at iz croch. ’sheez really been here hole time?’ askin damo an he lookin well confusd. ’sort of’ i say. ‘wot’s she been doin?’ he asks. ‘um, y dun i jus go bring em owt?’ i say back.
‘bring it on!’ says Al, but damo jus lookin bak at me all blank like. i go an open me bedroom door an alex lyin on bed playin wiv iz fone.
“WOT DA FUCK!!!’ goes All wen i bring owt alex. ‘nahh m8. tell me dis aint ur bitch.’
‘its dat lad we got in da snow innit?’ say damo. ‘1 we hung owt wiv afta.’
‘ha, ha. u 2 luuurve eech uvva issit,’ sayin Al in a silly voice an then makin like kissin noises. ‘u dirty cunt joe!’
‘how old u m8?’ asks damo all sudden like, soundin bit narkd. wen alex says he 17, damo not lookin happy, but i say it aint ilegal or nuffin. tell em he jus sucks me of sum times – aint nuffin more than dat (i lied!) an he betta than n e bird cos he can take it all way down iz throat an dun need 2 cum up 4 air! can go for hours an suk like a hoover!
‘duz n e one else kno?’ ask damo – can tell it buggin im. ‘nah, cors not,’ i say. alex goz sits down in corner, lookin at iz fone, lookin like he aint sure wot 2 do. i promisd im 3 big diks in return 4 sumfin.
‘ok, if u rekon he so gud, lets see im action,’ says Al. jus wot i wantin 2 hear. ‘he can fuckin stay away from me, da queer little bastard,’ say damo.
i jus ignore damo, cos i rekon he cum round, an say to Al ‘u want im 2 suck u off?’
‘nah, says Al, ‘wanna see im suck u off!’
‘u bowt 2 c sumfin,’ i say as i stand in middal of room an tell alex 2 cum ova…
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